‘I can tell that you been practicing.. All those other men were practice, they were practice

Yeah, for me, for me, for me’

– Drake (Practice)

Photographed by Lula Hyers

The past is never really in the past. When we get to know someone we want to know all about them.. their background, best memories, favorite food, childhood traumas, tastes in music, and past relationships. Then that dreadful question is asked….

‘What’s your body count?’

Usually when a man asks this question, he’s trying to see how innocent or freaky you are. When a woman asks this question she’s trying to see how experienced you are or if you even have some self control.

This makes things complicated and a little awkward because if you tell the truth, you’ll be judged on if you have some type of discipline or if you’re just being a thot.

(Thot is a slang term which originated from a Chicago rapper named Chief Keef meaning hoe or slut.)

Then if you lie about your past sexual partners you’ll get judged anyway if the truth is ever found out because no one likes a liar. Regardless the truth is hard to take in but its necessary.

Men are often pressured to lie about their sexual encounters to make them seem like they’re well experienced and if they don’t have this huge number connected to them, it makes them seem like they don’t get any action. Women are pressured to knock off a couple of numbers of their past lovers to make them seem like they’re ‘good girls’.

It’s crazy how these cultural stereotypes have our minds wrapped up in them like this.

Mel Magazine says men are supposed to go out there and get all they can while they can; women are supposed to seem discerning about who they let get up in there. Women are supposed to guard their virginity for love; men are supposed to get it over with as soon as possible or risk eternal humiliation. It follows then, that women would feel pressured to still seem pure, while men would feel pressured to seem experienced.

We’re all human and sexual beings by nature. Having sex is normal, no matter who we choose to lay down with or how many times we lay down with one person or multiple people.

Men can be openly sexual about their partners but why can’t a women acknowledge her sexual awakening and be as free as a man? Why is there so much double standards on something that were all doing?

Odyssey says that the number of people you personally include in your body count doesn’t define you in any way, but we still place this extreme amount of importance on it.

This is true. I’ve been around a lot of men who prefer women to have a certain amount of sexual parters because they claim that it shows that she’s pure, tight, and isn’t passing herself around.. but what about you?

The body is a temple regardless if you’re a man or a woman so shouldn’t that apply to men as well? Just because you have more sex partners than others doesn’t mean that you don’t respect yourself. Women love sex just as much as men, sometimes more the men. Yet men and women still set these unrealistic expectations on things that don’t even matter.

Dollar Shave Club reported that between zero and 10 is the range that people generally prefer to be involved with, especially when it comes to long term relationships.

Then there’s a myth that has been installed in everyone’s head believing that when a woman reaches a certain number of sex partners that she no longer has vaginal walls or tightness which is a flat out lie.

Psychology Today says that the vagina’s tightly folded muscle tissue is very elastic, like an accordion or the mouth. When it’s at rest–all the time except sexual arousal and childbirth–the vagina’s muscle tissue remains tightly folded like a closed accordion. As women become sexually aroused, vaginal muscle tissue relaxes somewhat.

A tight vagina would prevent intercourse and reproduction from happening, so women evolved to have sexual arousal relax the vaginal muscles, allowing easier insertion of erections–and greater chance of pregnancy.

The arousal of a woman or how ever many sex partners she’s had doesn’t produce or stretch out her vaginal walls and it definitely doesn’t create a big opening since the vagina is elastic.

On average women  require at least 30 minutes of sensuality—kissing, hugging, and mutual massage for their vaginas to relax enough to allow the penis to slide in comfortably. It gives women (and men) the warm-up time they need.

After relaxing during sex, vaginal muscle tissue naturally contracts—tightens—again. Intercourse does NOT permanently stretch the vagina. This process, loosening during arousal and tightening afterward, happens no matter how often the woman has sex, says Psychology Today.

Those myths can be put to rest now because these are the facts!

Honestly, a ‘body count’ is irrelevant because we were meant to be sexual beings. You shouldn’t label someone based on their past encounters because a persons past has nothing to do with you. You shouldn’t be intimated by anyone who’s had sex with someone you’re being involved with now. It’s a big world but we all are related to someone and have mutual friends with people. You are the present! Focus on that and stop being worried about childish things.

Personally, I don’t prefer to have sex with many people because everyone isn’t deserving of me in that way and I’m a clingy and territorial person. YOU ARE MINE! Period!

So with the attitude I have, casual sex wouldn’t work for me.  However, I don’t look at myself as higher than others who believe different or move different because I understand their point of views. I’m still going to show you that same respect, regardless of what you choose to do with your body. To be real, its not that deep as long as you’re using protection and not laying down with people for the wrong reasons (low self-esteem or trying to fill a void).

Women don’t be ashamed of yourself for what you did years ago, months ago or days ago. Do whatever makes you happy and don’t let anyone make you feel that you’re less than. You don’t need the approval of others. Men don’t feel that you need to lie to impress anyone or give off this persona that you’re a player, even if you were. Things happen and people change. As long as you’re living in you’re truth now.. that’s all that matters.