‘Even though I’m not your man, you not my girl imma call you my shawty.’
– Plies feat. T-Pain (Shawty)
Image from Lauren London
Dating in this time can be so stressful and confusing. Many of us don’t even get to an actual relationship. We get stuck in the ‘talking stage’, but in that stage we find ourselves doing relationship things and that’s what makes it complicated.
The talking stage is when two people flirt and get to know each other. There’s more than a friendship, but it isn’t a relationship yet.
Elite Daily says that the chase of acquiring a relationship became the goal rather than the destination for two people who want to be together. That has become so true living in this generation.
However, this part of dating is actually important because you need to spend some time with that person and see different parts of their personality. You need to see if y’all are actually compatible and if there’s chemistry there. You don’t want to rush into something that you aren’t prepared for and if it happens too quickly it’s bound to fail, so patience is key.
The problem comes when you let the fact that you like each other so much that you confuse those emotions with a relationship. It’s like a ‘you’re not mine but you belong to me’ type of thing.
Her Campus says that the talking stage is the biggest grey area when it comes to dating.
This is so true because it’s a safe place and it can linger on for a long time without having an actual title. You really have to play it safe when you’re in this department because there’s a 50/50 chance of you getting your feelings hurt or actually reaching a relationship.
Here’s some tips to help you survive this area of dating
Tips to survive the Talking Stage
- Set Boundaries: You need to tell each other what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. This is important so you both know your limits on things.
- Communicate: Talk about everything so there won’t be any misunderstandings and also so y’all can know more things about each other. You really need to LEARN one another.
- Respect: Y’all won’t get anywhere if there’s no respect. You have to respect each other, remember they’re only going to do what you allow them to do.
- Truth: Be honest and upfront with each other because that makes things so much easier.
- Emotions: Keep your emotions in check. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement. Don’t overthink, that only causes unnecessary problems for yourself. Listen to yourself and don’t ignore the signs you see whether they’re good or bad.
- Time: Don’t allow yourself to be in the talking stage for years. It’s okay to be patient, but that’s only if there’s effort and actions being shown that you two are evolving to the next level. There’s a difference between a wait and a WASTE. Know who to cut off and who to be patient with.
Often times we confuse the talking stage with an actual relationship. We give our loyalty to one person when there’s no commitment established. We assume that because we like this person that we shouldn’t get to know other people but in all honesty that’s not how dating works. You’re SINGLE if there’s no relationship confirmed between you two. So you shouldn’t feel guilty about exploring your options on who could be the right mate for you. You have to put yourself in check and remember who you are! Don’t limit yourself.
(WOW! I’m actually preaching to myself right now lol)
It’s hard, trust me I know. The dating life is not for me right now. I’m taking a break from dating and having a love life for a long time.
So readers I want to know…
Are you dating to get in a relationship that can lead to marriage or are you just dating for the moment? What are your intentions?