Category: Love

Street Love: Meet U In Another Lifetime

On By Ashley RedIn hiphop, Love, men, music, womenLeave a comment

Took you from the hood & I could never give you back, I just wanna let you know that someone love you back

Drake (Child’s Play)

Image from Asian Doll

When dealing with a man from the streets you gotta understand this ain’t no fairytale, this real life. If you have some type of hood n**** fetish thinking you’re going to get what they portray on T.V. or social media, you just need to walk away because you’re playing a dangerous game. That’s one thing they don ‘t do is play games, go ahead and make that exit for me sis.

Every man has been through trial and trauma, but this ain’t just a regular dude.

You have to be mentally and emotionally strong for this type of man cause you gon’ go through some s***. Your level of understanding and patience has to be at an all time high. He’s gonna let you know through the door what he comes with, how he likes things to be done, his triggers, what he’s trying to work on and how he wants/needs you to move.

He’s going to tell you all those things and give you the option of staying or leaving because he doesn’t need to second guess anything. He’s going to test you to see how you handle situations, how you think, but most of all to see if he can really trust you because he trusts no one.

Is you with me or what…

His charm, approach and personality is what’s going to get you first. They’re going to woo you in a different type of way because they pay attention.

When you think they’re not listening, they hear you… when you think they don’t notice when you’re having a bad day, they already thinking of ways to resolve the problem.

When you looking good, they wanna show you off but at the same time keep you to themselves; you’re their jewel. Beyond getting gifts and getting wined and dined they’re going to make sure you’re respected and well protected.

They move fast when they really like you.

I Love Hood N****s says when you with a hood boy, you never have to wonder how they feel about you. It’s my belief that hugging the block makes you appreciate time, therefore they don’t waste it being “just friends”.

In most cases, that is very true. Once you’ve shown them that you’re a good, loyal woman they start to open up more. Bringing you around family and friends instantly, being openly affectionate, more open-minded to the things you want to do and giving you their support 100%.

He actually has a heart, it just doesn’t beat for everybody.

The more time that’s spent you start to realize that he’s not who everyone demonizes him to be. He’s not just a man who totes guns and drugs. This is a man who has taken countless losses. His nights are sleepless and his brain never stops, he’s always on GO. He’s damaged from deaths, shootouts, scrambling for money, having no food at times and knowing that he still has to hold it together. Nothing excites him because he’s paranoid of being too excited and something going wrong, so he’s laidback.

He doesn’t want to put his trauma on you so at times he’s quiet and doesn’t want to talk. A lot of things you shouldn’t take personal. He just wants you to be his peace since the world has been so chaotic and he’ll be the same for you.

The relationship will be far from perfect. You gonna have them days where y’all arguing about other women/other men, jealousy, trust issues, miscommunication and misunderstandings, controlling and possessiveness. It’s even going to be times when y’all not speaking to each other because no one wants to say the wrong thing and y’all just tired of arguing.

Through those times both of you need to really focus on what matters and what doesn’t. Also, there needs to be an understanding so neither one of you drain each other out. If some type of space is needed take it, but don’t take too much of it. It’s what’s needed to clear the smoke, then come back together. That’s how it goes.

As a woman, you are molding him to know that there is more to life than the streets. He’s not looking toward or thinking of the future, he’s just living day by day. He’s molding you as well by teaching you the game rather than running it on you, bringing out more of the woman in you and putting you on point to what you need to know in life.

Every moment, every second he’s molding you, testing you, giving you the balance of soft love and tough love because he knows that one day he’s not going to be around anymore rather its dead or in jail.

Some people do get those chances to where they beat jail, but you can’t beat death cause we all gotta die some day. That’s why he keeps you close and God close. He lives in moments rather than the future because he knows that once he’s gone, you’ll still have those memories and that bond. He wants you to be left strong, prepared and unbreakable. He is you and you are him.

When The Liquor Talks…

On By Ashley RedIn Love, LustLeave a comment

Too much liquor known to make you call a n**** & I done had too much which is giving me excuses to make me think I want you when I don’t & I know this..

Summer Walker (Drunk Dialing…LODT)

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– Image from Sex & The City

Good liquor mixed with bad decisions is one hell of a combination. What’s your liquor of choice? I’m a cognac girl. My poison of choice is Remy or Dusse however I don’t discriminate.

Alcohol in general is a tricky substance, it has the power to make us feel like the baddest b**** or the rawest n**** in the room. It helps us loosen up and become more social. It even changes the temperature in our bodies. I know y’all have all had a friend ask “Is y’all hot or am I tweakin’?” Alcohol can make one of the best memories happen but it also can make the worse ones happen too.

The old saying that alcohol is a truth sermon is very much true. We find ourselves confessing our inner feelings and thoughts that are usually hidden in the back of our minds. We are either expressing love for someone/something or expressing our hurt over a situation/ person.

Web MD says alcoholics will tell you that they try to watch what they say when they are drunk, but that’s a problem because alcohol frees the tongue to say what is in the heart.

That makes a lot of sense considering the fact that alcohol affects the most sensitive part of our brain (cerebellum) because it has the ability to control the functions of memory and emotion.

Personally I feel that there are three stages of becoming drunk. It’s happened to me plenty of times and I’ve witnessed it unravel in front of me, so I know I’m on to something lol.

Here’s the steps that we all find ourselves in.

Live & Lit to Down & Out

Step 1: Over It (F*** it, Pass Me The Bottle)

-In this stage you just want to get drunk and forget about all your problems. You want to have fun, laugh, be silly with your friends and do hoodrat shit. One shot turns into three and three shots turn into five. You wanna let lose and feel the vibes.

Step 2: Lit & Feeling Good

– By this time, your liquor is catching up to you and you’re feeling good as fuck. Y’all LIT UP! You and your friends are dancing, singing, and talking. All of y’all are just feeling like this one of the best days ever and you don’t want the night to end. Life just couldn’t be better!

Step 3: Realizations & In My Feelings

-Things have started to simmer down or you saw something that triggered your emotions. Now your in deep thought and everything that you were trying to forget and not feel has hit the surface. You start drunk texting or calling that person addressing all the things you’ve been wanting to get off your chest.

“Alcohol forces our bodies to create an increased amount of serotonin and endorphins, which are responsible for regulating our emotions and our sense of relaxation and happiness. Ultimately, the more often you drink, the more vulnerable your brain becomes to the effects of alcohol, potentially making your moods more volatile over time,” says The American Addiction Centers.

This is why most of us can relate to Drake’s “Marvins Room” and Summer Walker’s “Drunk Dialing.”

We’re trying to cope with our emotions but sometimes your feelings are too strong to bear sometimes. Alcohol gives us the courage to express those feelings and let them out rather their good feelings or bad ones.

9 times out of 10 you’re horny, you miss that person, and you love that person but you wish things were different. Overall you’re passionate and you just want that person to hear you out so there can be some type of closure or resolution.

Don’t get me wrong alcohol isn’t just all emotions. Of course you’re enjoying the day or night out with your friends. However, when its all said and done, when everything has simmered down you know you wanna take your drunk ass to your boyfriend/girlfriend house. No one wants to sleep alone, so when the liquor starts talking it speaks a sober and honest heart.

Now enough with all the deep talk, pass me the Remy please!

Power In The P

On By Ashley RedIn dating, Love, men, music, penis, sex, vagina, womenLeave a comment

N****s will lose they mind for it. Wine for it, dine for it.
Spend time for it, see no colored line for it.

Sza feat Kendrick Lamar (Doves In the Wind)

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Image from Black Lotus Mother

The power of the vagina is incredible. It’s a self-cleaning machine, it bleeds without injury and gets wet without water. Not to mention that tiny hole that we have is elastic! We push out babies from that tiny hole every day making a new generation.

The things that men will go through to get it is truly mind blowing and if it’s good, the things they’ll tolerate to keep getting it is proof that the vagina is like no other.

Months ago I saw a status made by one of my Facebook friends and it had me wondering “damn is this really true? This can’t be true.”

This is what the post said…

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This is coming from a man so I was intrigued that he made this status. I’m a woman so I have no idea what the inside of another female feels like. Even if this was a joke.. some jokes hold truth. I over analyze everything so of course me being me, I read all 72 comments under this status just to see what other people thought about this.

Afterwards I made a poll about this on my Instagram and had my male followers engage on the topic. Out of seventy-five comments, seventy-three of the comments were men disagreeing with the status.

Khalif, 24, disagreed saying that some women can reach a different level of being turned on sexually.

‘Some females can control muscles better than others and some females just can reach a different level of being turned on which is why they can get wetter and do other things like squirt easier and more frequently.’

Jae, 22, also disagreed with the status. ‘Some women have kids, that’s a different feeling. Some women workout a lot, which helps them strengthen them muscles to rap around your meat, which is a different feeling. Some women are really emotional and get beyond wet when you touch them the right way, and make them feel special. Some women’s hygiene is so good and they drink so much water that their pussy is literally like water, which is a different feeling. The pussy varies by age and experience so no I don’t agree he just ain’t doing it right.’

I’m glad y’all got some sense because I knew I wasn’t tweakin’, I still wanted to get perspective from other males.

Yes, as women we all have the same private parts and holes but they feel different and look different. Some clitiours are bigger or smaller than others, some females get wetter than others depending on how much water they drink or how turned on they are. It’s different things that you have to factor in especially when it comes to the vagina.

Metro says that vaginas may each be different in terms of texture and curves, it’s likely that those differences wouldn’t be picked up by penetration with the penis.

Web MD says that penis sensitivity starts to decline with age, lessening from age 25 and up. One person’s penis may be more sensitive than another man so those men will feel two completely different experiences. Just like some men penis don’t feel the same to women because of shapes and sizes this goes for women’s vagina as well.

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Other things to factor in is if you actual have a connection with that person or not. If you’re having meaningless sex with different women then, of course to you they may all feel the same because you’re not fully engaged with them.

Warmth, lubricate, and grip varies and can change over time. However, think about how sex feels with the woman that you like or love versus sex with someone that you barely know.

If all vagina felt the same then why put so much effort to get it?!

MY POINT EXACTLY

In this video where ASAP Rocky talks about double standards concerning men and women, he says “it’s a man’s world but pussy makes the world go ’round.”

Men smell good for women. Men get nice things for themselves but they get those things to be noticed by a woman. A man may take you out because he like’s you but he wants the prize between your legs too. He may pay your bills to take care of you and because he loves you but baby he wants to keep getting that thang too! That’s just how it goes.

Tupac said it the best…

“Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy.”

 

 

Intimacy: Touch Me In Different Ways

On By Ashley RedIn dating, Love, music2 Comments

‘Lay your head on my pillow, here you can be yourself. No one has to know what you are feeling, no one but me & you’

– Alicia Keys (Diary)Images by meandsomebodyson_ & meandsomebodydaughter

Beyond a relationship, dating, and even the talking stage… Is there a friendship? Is there intimacy?

When we make connections with people especially the ones that we are dating or possibly see a future with, we forget the small things. Those small things consists of friendship, trust, and intimacy.

Intimacy isn’t always about sex. You can touch each other in different ways, not just physical.

Intimacy is a bond you share with another person. Through that bond, you know that person like the back of your hand and things become more secure.

Psych Central says that getting to the core of a relationship requires that both people work through their fear. By visiting and revisiting these areas, intimacy matures and mellows over time.

That’s exactly what holds us back from a lot of things. FEAR.

The fear of being judged because of personality traits that you don’t want the other to see or flaws and insecurities that you may have. That’s understandable because we always want to show up as our highest self, but how do you expect to get to that root of closeness with a person if you haven’t shown them who you really are? Take the mask off.

Our friends that we acquire in our lives have seen the beautiful sides of us and the deep down in the gutter us. Even through all of that they love us anyway. You know why? Because they’re willing to go through the good and bad with us.

That should be applied to your person of interest as well. Having sex is fun but it becomes boring after a while. You have to keep each other interested.

You don’t have to have lame conversations. Lord knows I hate when a person “wyd” me to death. Ask them how there day is going, what their childhood was like, what’s the one thing they want to do before they die, how are they feeling & etc.

I remember a time when this boy stayed the night with me. We were laying in my bed naked but we didn’t have sex… We listened to music and talked all night and honestly, I was happy we didn’t do anything because from there it established that we could actually chill together. I also think that’s one of the reasons why we never fell off. That situation made us like each other more. I told my friends about it and they were just as shocked as me cause things usually don’t happen that way, but I knew it was definitely more there. (Lol I’ll keep y’all updated I’m still seeing how this is going to play out) etc.

In Alicia Keys song ‘Diary‘ she says:

“I won’t tell, your secrets

Your secrets are safe with me

I will keep, your secrets

Just think of me as the pages in your diary.”

That song went number one because that type of closeness and comfortability is something that we all crave. To be able to truly vent to someone and be yourself with them is unmatched.

On top of that, go out and explore together! Take initiative and make plans. Everything doesn’t have to be labeled as a date, you can enjoy each other’s company. If y’all click then the romance is going to be there regardless, you don’t have to be lovey dovey with everything.

Be vulnerable. Be fun. Be silly. Trust each other.

The world has our minds thinking that we have to be so cold-hearted and put up a wall with everyone we come in contact with when that’s not good at all. You don’t have to share everything all at once but you can give bits and pieces of yourself at a time. Rejection happens and it’s awful but you shouldn’t let that stop you from opening up to the next person.

Psych Alive says most of us say that we want to find a loving partner, but many of us have deep-seated fears of intimacy that make it difficult to be in a close relationship. The experience of real love often threatens our self-defenses and raises our anxiety as we become vulnerable and open ourselves up to another person.

Things last more when they aren’t rushed and when there’s a companionship. Remember you’re still getting to know each other, not only know each other LEARN each other.

Marriage  says when you jump into a relationship without being friends first, all types of issues and challenges occur, and you begin to expect more from the person and sometimes set unrealistic expectations.

That’s why some of us don’t know how to be intimate without sex being involved. You skipped over the most important step, but it’s okay. It’s never too late to pick each other’s head. Just relax and let things flourish. Most of all be patient, things will happen in its own time.

Snatching Souls

On By Ashley RedIn dating, Love, Lust, music2 Comments

‘Cause I love it when you’re looking down at me, I’m looking up at you.. And I don’t give a damn shawty, watch me knock your boots off’

– The Weeknd (What You Need)

A blessing and a curse.

The art of soul snatching is real! People often think that it’s just a individual dominating someone else’s body while their in ecstasy but it’s more. Orgasms and climaxes are natural but that does NOT mean you’ve ‘snatched someone’s soul’.

Soul snatching is being able to control your opposition not only physically but with your mind. A soul snatcher will entice your mind , leaving you fully open to experiencing new things outside your comfort zone.

Love Sex And Passion says They’ll please you and control you at the same time.

Not only is soul snatching real but so are soul ties. Each time a man connects with a woman sexually releasing his liquids and energy within her, he leaves a part of his DNA. If she doesn’t clean herself then it remains inside of her, leaving an impression which causes a person to become sexual addicted to that individual.

Sex is more than just a physical act, it’s spiritual as well. The more we are with a person especially in a sexual way, we start to develop their habits without even knowing it.

Jet Magazine says you ultimately become who you exchange with in the physical sense, so be mindful about who you choose.

Even when using a condom, spiritually transmitted demons can interrupt your spirit.

Have you ever noticed that some men and women can’t get over that one particular person that has caused them emotional trauma? No matter if it’s been months or years, the very sound of their name or even seeing their face just fills them up with disgust! It’s because something within them that wasn’t right tormented your inner being. Then eventually the only thing that was holding the relationship or bond together was the sex.

Sometimes that soul tie even causes us to attract that very person that we despise. It could be a different person, yet the same behavior. It all becomes familiar.

Pay attention to the way you are around this person. Are you calm and comfortable or are you sad for no reason or feeling empty?

I was always taught about soul ties and energies as a child but I never understood what it truly meant, especially when it came to sex. It wasn’t until I entered my twenties and had my own experiences is when I found out that it wasn’t a theory.

A couple of years ago, I was bonded to someone that I thought that I could potentially be with but it seemed like we were always clashing. There were times where I knew that the affects he had on me were destructive but I couldn’t shake him. It was a love/hate thing mixed with lust.

The more we linked up it seemed that we would literally exchange feelings. In the beginning I was always the happy one and he was always the sad one that felt like the world was on his shoulders.. then that all shifted into me becoming the depressed one and him becoming the ‘happy for no reason’ partner.

Once I finally came to my senses and ended it, I compared my experience with him to others. All the good and the bad was put into evaluation and I can truly say that we were tied together for all the wrong reasons. Even though I was hurt and didn’t want to believe it, I felt a sense of relief.

Women fall in love based on emotions even when they know the facts. Men fall in love based on facts, even if they have a strong connection or feeling for you they won’t let that overpower their decision on if they see a long term future with you.

MyBlackMatters says that many times we fall in love without realizing what it is we’re falling into. When a woman is led by her emotions this makes it easy for her to be taken advantage of. She may be sexually compatible with a man who has no idea how to care for her heart.

The same thing goes for men. This is why we have to be cautious of who we are exchanging liquids, energy, and spirits with. You don’t know what good or bad affects that person may have on you.

If you’re going to get your ‘soul snatched’ make sure you know who’s doing the snatching, you may be sleeping with the devil and you don’t even know it! Men and women your bodies are temples, your souls are flowers and your minds are butterflies. Treat them as such.

So ask yourself…

How many souls have I snatched? How many souls are living inside of you? Are we connected or are we attached?

“I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to be.”

– Lisa Chase Patterson

Thanksgiving: Meeting the Family

On By Ashley RedIn dating, Food, holidays, LoveLeave a comment

‘I can’t imagine myself without you. I need a whole lot of help without you. Me and my granny both agreed, damn you’re such a G I’ll hold you down forever.’

– Big Sean feat. Miguel (Ashley)

Image from InfoNG

It’s Thanksgiving and you’re meeting the family for the first time. This is definitely a big deal because Thanksgiving is basically the part 2 of having a family reunion. Your partner isn’t just going to bring anyone home for the holidays. This is a big step in the relationship.

Bustle says that the holidays are a time for us to celebrate family, friends, and love, and by including  you in their celebration, your partner is embracing you and all that you are.

There immediate family are coming along with the Aunts, Uncles, and cousins from out of town. You have to make a good impression on them especially your future in laws, so what do you do?

Rule #1

Respectful and Polite: Show them that you have manners because how you present yourself speaks on how you were raised. First impressions are everything! Make sure you SPEAK to Grandma and Mom especially! You can’t just be walking into other people’s homes without speaking. Also, don’t try too hard just be yourself.

Rule #2

Compose yourself. You know that they’re going to interrogate you because they want to know who their son or daughter is bringing home. Be calm and breathe! Answer their questions honestly but carefully and be thoughtful in your answers.

Rule #3

Help out in anyway possible. Ladies, if Mom needs help setting up the table, do that. If Auntie needs help getting ingredients for desserts or even needs help making desserts, do that. If Grandma needs your help to make the baked macaroni and cheese, do that. Fellas, if Dad is watching the game and invites you to politic with him and Unk, do that. Take the initiative and get involved in the family activities that they’re doing.

Rule #4

Feel out your partner’s family. Notice how they interact with each other and even how they interact with your partner. This will tell you a lot about his/her background and what kind of family they come from. Try to make a connection with someone there.

Beforehand talk to your partner about how you can have each other’s backs. It’s intimidating to come into a new environment when you don’t know anyone and some family members can throw shade making you feel uncomfortable.

Make sure that you and your partner talk about how you can look out for each other and do small things like sit next to each other or check in with one another occasionally. Relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin talked to Insider and he says that that’s the idea of being a couple. They protect each other. They have each other’s backs, even with people that are familiar.

Prepare each other for other family dynamics and think extreme such as heated debates about politics, the interrogation process, drunk fights, and family secrets getting exposed. Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and founder of C Silva Solutions tells Bustle that it’s important that the couple are on the same page and can help minimize some of the nervousness your partner might feel.

To all my couples, did you meet your partners family over the holidays? If so how was the experience?

P.S. I have to show y’all some of the food my Mom made for Thanksgiving, she went crazy. This isn’t all of it but these are just my favorites.

Collard Greens

The best part of this is the juice especially when it has hot sauce in it.

Cornish Hen Chicken

My mom uses this as a substitute for turkey because turkey is just too dry to even try to eat.

Baked Macaroni & Cheese

This is the best thing ever created in life! I could literally eat this every single day. Not everyone knows how to make baked Mac & Cheese which is surprising because to me it’s easy to make, but just wow! I prefer this instead of the box version.

Dressing

This with cranberry sauce is a instant hit! The flavor is everything

Ham

I had to take a close up picture of the ham. Look at all those juices, the pineapples on the top made it even better.

How To Become More Comfortable

On By Ashley RedIn Love, sexLeave a comment

‘Baby kick your shoes off and relax. We ain’t in a rush so just kick back, all I need is your attention for what I’m needing’

– K-Young (Lay You Down)

Image from Usher’s U Got It Bad Video 

Getting to the level of comfortability with someone is not easy. Being naked in front of them for the first time can make you feel vulnerable and self conscious because there’s no where to hide. They’re literally seeing all of you.

Things can get awkward pretty fast or you might just be nervous to take things to the next step… and that’s okay. We’ve all been there, whether you’re just hooking up with someone new or it’s your first time having sex with your partner.

Busle says you have to be brave enough to address the issue, rather than just pretend everything’s fine and you’re really a nervous wreck.

It’s okay to feel shy, but the most important thing is that you have fun because sex shouldn’t be taken serious. You need to have someone that you can laugh with even when things don’t go right because sex isn’t perfect.

HowStuffWorks says that a common insecurity is about “performance”. Women worry that they’ll take too long to orgasm or that they won’t be able to. Men are concerned that they’ll ejaculate too quickly or not get hard enough.

Here’s some tips on how to make yourself more acquainted with your partner in the bedroom. This is from my personal experience so if it worked for me, I’m sure it’ll be no different for you.

Step 1:

Communicate with your partner and let them know your concerns and fears. By doing this, they should reassure you that even if it isn’t great the first time, they’ll be patient with you and lead you along the way. Talk about your sexual fantasies, what you want, and how you want it done.

Step 2

Walk around the house naked sometimes. We all have certain insecurities about our bodies, but that’s also why we should embrace them. Nobody’s perfect! Turn on some music and start dancing! Music makes everything better so let go and be free. Look yourself in the mirror and just own it, no matter what shape your in.

Step 3:

MASTER BATE! Yes I said it! Go to the sex store and get some sex toys and lube. It’s important that you learn your own body first. By you exploring your pleasure spots, it’ll be easier to guide your partner to the things that make you orgasm. You’re definitely going to be vocal on what you like and dislike. At first you’ll feel a little weird, but once you get that spot babyyyyy you’re going to meet God himself!

Step 4

Watch porn & practice. If you want to be good at something you have to see it first then try it yourself. The more you practice the better you’ll get. Give yourself time and don’t be too hard on yourself. Relax, don’t be so timid and don’t think too much. Just let things flow. If you’re a virgin, don’t expect your first time to be like a porno. Remember this is your first time ever doing something like this so you have to be realistic with yourself. The more you watch and do, the better you’ll get and that’ll also inspire you to try new things.

Step 5

HAVE FUN! Sex should not be taken serious. Laugh and smile during silly or awkward moments causes 9/10 your partner feels the same way. This will bring y’all closer. Be experimental, you don’t have to keep doing the same positions. If it isn’t fun for you than you shouldn’t be doing it. They’re here to get theirs so make sure you’re having a good time and getting yours too!

I want all my shy caterpillars to break free from their cocoon and be a butterfly. I challenge all my readers that are still in their shells, boy or girl to do these steps and share your stories with me. I’m confident that with the steps I’ve given you, y’all are going to be well acquainted.

Life is too short, we all deserve to have the best sex of our lives! Get out there and make me proud.

What Are Your Intentions?

On By Ashley RedIn dating, Love2 Comments

‘Even though I’m not your man, you not my girl imma call you my shawty.’

– Plies feat. T-Pain (Shawty)

Image from Lauren London

Dating in this time can be so stressful and confusing. Many of us don’t even get to an actual relationship. We get stuck in the ‘talking stage’, but in that stage we find ourselves doing relationship things and that’s what makes it complicated.

The talking stage is when two people flirt and get to know each other. There’s more than a friendship, but it isn’t a relationship yet.

Elite Daily says that the chase of acquiring a relationship became the goal rather than the destination for two people who want to be together. That has become so true living in this generation.

However, this part of dating is actually important because you need to spend some time with that person and see different parts of their personality. You need to see if y’all are actually compatible and if there’s chemistry there. You don’t want to rush into something that you aren’t prepared for and if it happens too quickly it’s bound to fail, so patience is key.

The problem comes when you let the fact that you like each other so much that you confuse those emotions with a relationship. It’s like a ‘you’re not mine but you belong to me’ type of thing.

Her Campus says that the talking stage is the biggest grey area when it comes to dating.

This is so true because it’s a safe place and it can linger on for a long time without having an actual title. You really have to play it safe when you’re in this department because there’s a 50/50 chance of you getting your feelings hurt or actually reaching a relationship.

Here’s some tips to help you survive this area of dating

Tips to survive the Talking Stage

  • Set Boundaries: You need to tell each other what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. This is important so you both know your limits on things.
  • Communicate: Talk about everything so there won’t be any misunderstandings and also so y’all can know more things about each other. You really need to LEARN one another.
  • Respect: Y’all won’t get anywhere if there’s no respect. You have to respect each other, remember they’re only going to do what you allow them to do.
  • Truth: Be honest and upfront with each other because that makes things so much easier.
  • Emotions: Keep your emotions in check. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement. Don’t overthink, that only causes unnecessary problems for yourself. Listen to yourself and don’t ignore the signs you see whether they’re good or bad.
  • Time: Don’t allow yourself to be in the talking stage for years. It’s okay to be patient, but that’s only if there’s effort and actions being shown that you two are evolving to the next level. There’s a difference between a wait and a WASTE. Know who to cut off and who to be patient with.

Often times we confuse the talking stage with an actual relationship. We give our loyalty to one person when there’s no commitment established. We assume that because we like this person that we shouldn’t get to know other people but in all honesty that’s not how dating works. You’re SINGLE if there’s no relationship confirmed between you two. So you shouldn’t feel guilty about exploring your options on who could be the right mate for you. You have to put yourself in check and remember who you are! Don’t limit yourself.

(WOW! I’m actually preaching to myself right now lol)

It’s hard, trust me I know. The dating life is not for me right now. I’m taking a break from dating and having a love life for a long time.

So readers I want to know…

Are you dating to get in a relationship that can lead to marriage or are you just dating for the moment? What are your intentions?

Lust vs. Love: The Differences of The Two L’s

On By Ashley RedIn Love, LustLeave a comment

‘If it look this good… I wonder how it taste?’

– Jeremih (Waiter/ The 5 Senses)

Image by: Angela D. Coleman

Lust is such a powerful thing. We can lust for money, food, material things and people. In human nature we are naturally attracted to things that give us curiosity and desire even if we know it isn’t good for us, the feeling is hard to break free from. Isn’t it crazy how we want the things that we can’t have? Put sex in the mix and that makes things even more complicated and confusing, like wow what a situation!

In Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor,  Judith (Journey Smollett-Bell and Brice (Lance Gross) have been together since high school, now they’re married and the fire between them has seemed to burn out. Judith just completed her graduate work in psychotherapy and she’s on the journey of starting her career as a marriage counselor. She decides to take an internship at a matchmaking firm. There she meets Harley (Robbie Jones) a charming and confident client who makes it clear to Judith that he’s feeling her. The sexual chemistry between the two is at an all time high as Judith and Harley start to spend more time together. Soon, Judith gives into her desires and finds herself in a web of chaos, placing her marriage in shambles.

Temptation captures the definition of lust perfectly! We often confuse lust and love because we are infatuated with the idea of this person rather than being in love with them. This fueled idealization leads us to believe that this person is for us and we’re blinded by what we hope they will become or what we need them to be, instead of seeing them for who they are. Adding sex along with that makes it even more complex and toxic because you’re addicted to how they make you feel physically and you neglect the emotional and mental aspect. Psychology Today says that studies show that your brain is in a phase similar to when your brain is on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area  lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Attachments happen when your in the phase of lust, not connections.

Signs of Lust

  • You’re more attracted to their physical appearance. Every time you see them, there  needs to be sexual activity happening.
  • Most of your thoughts about this person is of a sexual nature.
  • You only connect with them on a physical level, not as on a emotional or intellectual level.
  • You want them to leave right after sex rather than cuddling or having breakfast with them the next morning.
  • You don’t see anything long-term with them, it’s just for the moment.

Love on the other hand is beautiful. It’s pure, unconditional, and patient. Love overpowers lust because it’s stronger than the sex drive, it’s something that’s stable. You can’t see yourself without the person and you’re truly invested in them. It’s way beyond sex because you accept them for who they are, even when times are hard you still want them around.

‘See I’ll love you when your hair turns gray, girl and I’ll still want you if you gain a little weight, yeah. The way I feel for you will always be the same, just as long as your love don’t change’

– Musiq Soulchild (Don’t Change)

In the movie Jason’s Lyric, two inner city youth Jason (Allen Payne) and Lyric (Jada Pinkett-Smith) find love in the rough streets of Houston. They both are dealing with personal problems. Jason having guilt with his brother’s violent behavior from a traumatic experience that they both encountered and Lyric who’s hestiant to the feeling of love, scared that it will be smothered by the violence around her. Together, they learn to let go of their doubts and fears, and leave their past behind for a better life.

The love that is shared between Jason and Lyric in this movie is the most accurate definition of unconditional love. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. When you can truly be at peace with a person and you want to know things about them and their childhood, that’s how you know it’s real. The chemistry is there! Yes, you”ll be physically attracted to them but sex won’t even cross your mind because you admire them rather than being infatuated with them. You both motivate each other to be all that they can be and you’re protective over them. You’re willing to make sacrifices for them and you take an interest into what they like. There’s more than an intimate relationship, there’s a friendship as well. Independent says that love is an equal partnership, but you’ll find someone’s happiness become really important to you when you’re falling for them.

Compassionate love can be one of the biggest signs of a healthy relationship, according to research. This involves long-term commitment, deep intimacy and one of the main things that will make or break a relationship… TRUST.

Signs of Love

  • You motivate each other to become better and you work as a team.
  • You can’t stop thinking about them.
  • You want to spend quality time with them beyond sex.
  • You both get lost in conversation that you don’t notice the time and hours pass.
  • You’re focused on each other, your phones don’t matter.
  • You listen to one another and genuinely want to make each other happy, going above and beyond!
  • You want to get closer, meeting family and friends.
  • You become possessive over each other.
  • You only want that person and no one else.
  • They bring you peace.

Now that you understand the differences between lust and love, ask yourself…

Could I spend a whole day with this person without sex? Do I want to get to know their family? Am I ready to wake up to them everyday or just every now and then? Do I really want to go out my way to help them? How do we benefit from each other? Can I work through their past traumas that they’ve had? Can I chill with them, even without other people or my phone? Do I really like them or do I like the way they make me feel? Is there a future with them? Is there even a real connection here? Am I actually ready for commitment?

Girls Need Loving Too

On By Ashley RedIn LoveLeave a comment

What’s a girl to do when she needs loving too?

Image by: pinkincubi

Released in July 2018, Summer Walkers ‘Girls Need Love’ has touched our souls with the peaceful instrumental and the soothing sound of her voice. This is definitely a vibe. Since then, us girls have been playing this song on repeat! The video has hit 2 million views and it became number 7 on the Apple Music R&B chart last Sunday. I’ve been seeing this song on everyone’s Snapchat videos, Facebook lives, and song lyrics in IG captions. Celebrities like Reginae Carter, Bernice Burgos, and Ariana Fletcher aka Ari have been playing it along with us.

 

 

I feel like this song hit all women on a emotional and spiritual level. Love is such a tricky thing especially in this generation because people want to play the game and portray themselves as heartless. Walkers lyrics puts this into perspective telling us how it seems like there’s almost no hope in finding the right one.

“I just need some d***. I just need some love. Tired of f***ing with these lame n****s baby, I just need a Thug.”

Men often perceive women as being complicated and not knowing what they want but then when they come across a woman that’s sure of herself and knows what she wants, it’s like the disappointment still happens. It leaves you wondering when are you finally going to meet someone who’s on the same page as you. When is it going to be real?

Independent women intimidate men in regards to sex, career, and relationships. We make our own money, we don’t put up with any bullshit, and we don’t have time for games.

“Honestly, I’m tryna stay focused you must think I’ve got to be joking when I say I don’t think I can wait. I just need it now.”

Thought Catalog says that 40% of women have jobs in management and other professional fields. Women in these modern times are capable of working a full-time job and supplying their financial needs. They don’t have time to go back and fourth and play mind games because they have business to take care of. They’re trying to stay focused and reach their goals but they know what it is to be in a committed and balanced relationship. They’re not ashamed to tell you what they want and how they want it. They’ll tell you their expectations and dealbreakers from the start and make it clear about how they feel.

Being showered with gifts and even paying bills are greatly appreciated but we are capable of doing those things ourselves too.

We want MORE! It’s nice to hear those sweet things you tell us from time to time. Do it more often. Take action and be romantic. We want sex too! Most times we want it more than men do.

Show us that you’re interested in our favorite shows and our rants about work. Have goals and build with us. I can’t express enough on how much the little things matter because although we want the big picture we are still paying attention to the details.

We all have expectations but when a woman expresses how she wants things, we get ridiculed and criticized for wanting “too much”.

Walker speaks our most inner thoughts that we say to ourselves in our alone time.

“Girls can’t never say they want it Girls can’t never say how, Girls can’t never say they need it, Girls can’t never say now…”

Yes, we may come off as complicated and unbearable at times, but in reality we know exactly what we want. Men just have to take the time and effort to listen to us. Most of all try to understand us and see where we are coming from because in the end just like y’all want to be appreciated and loved, we want the same thing. Girls need love too!

When was the last time you stopped playing mind games and actually tried to see where things could go?