Thanksgiving: Meeting the Family

‘I can’t imagine myself without you. I need a whole lot of help without you. Me and my granny both agreed, damn you’re such a G I’ll hold you down forever.’

– Big Sean feat. Miguel (Ashley)

Image from InfoNG

It’s Thanksgiving and you’re meeting the family for the first time. This is definitely a big deal because Thanksgiving is basically the part 2 of having a family reunion. Your partner isn’t just going to bring anyone home for the holidays. This is a big step in the relationship.

Bustle says that the holidays are a time for us to celebrate family, friends, and love, and by including  you in their celebration, your partner is embracing you and all that you are.

There immediate family are coming along with the Aunts, Uncles, and cousins from out of town. You have to make a good impression on them especially your future in laws, so what do you do?

Rule #1

Respectful and Polite: Show them that you have manners because how you present yourself speaks on how you were raised. First impressions are everything! Make sure you SPEAK to Grandma and Mom especially! You can’t just be walking into other people’s homes without speaking. Also, don’t try too hard just be yourself.

Rule #2

Compose yourself. You know that they’re going to interrogate you because they want to know who their son or daughter is bringing home. Be calm and breathe! Answer their questions honestly but carefully and be thoughtful in your answers.

Rule #3

Help out in anyway possible. Ladies, if Mom needs help setting up the table, do that. If Auntie needs help getting ingredients for desserts or even needs help making desserts, do that. If Grandma needs your help to make the baked macaroni and cheese, do that. Fellas, if Dad is watching the game and invites you to politic with him and Unk, do that. Take the initiative and get involved in the family activities that they’re doing.

Rule #4

Feel out your partner’s family. Notice how they interact with each other and even how they interact with your partner. This will tell you a lot about his/her background and what kind of family they come from. Try to make a connection with someone there.

Beforehand talk to your partner about how you can have each other’s backs. It’s intimidating to come into a new environment when you don’t know anyone and some family members can throw shade making you feel uncomfortable.

Make sure that you and your partner talk about how you can look out for each other and do small things like sit next to each other or check in with one another occasionally. Relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin talked to Insider and he says that that’s the idea of being a couple. They protect each other. They have each other’s backs, even with people that are familiar.

Prepare each other for other family dynamics and think extreme such as heated debates about politics, the interrogation process, drunk fights, and family secrets getting exposed. Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and founder of C Silva Solutions tells Bustle that it’s important that the couple are on the same page and can help minimize some of the nervousness your partner might feel.

To all my couples, did you meet your partners family over the holidays? If so how was the experience?

P.S. I have to show y’all some of the food my Mom made for Thanksgiving, she went crazy. This isn’t all of it but these are just my favorites.

Collard Greens

The best part of this is the juice especially when it has hot sauce in it.

Cornish Hen Chicken

My mom uses this as a substitute for turkey because turkey is just too dry to even try to eat.

Baked Macaroni & Cheese

This is the best thing ever created in life! I could literally eat this every single day. Not everyone knows how to make baked Mac & Cheese which is surprising because to me it’s easy to make, but just wow! I prefer this instead of the box version.


This with cranberry sauce is a instant hit! The flavor is everything


I had to take a close up picture of the ham. Look at all those juices, the pineapples on the top made it even better.

How To Become More Comfortable

‘Baby kick your shoes off and relax. We ain’t in a rush so just kick back, all I need is your attention for what I’m needing’

– K-Young (Lay You Down)

Image from Usher’s U Got It Bad Video 

Getting to the level of comfortability with someone is not easy. Being naked in front of them for the first time can make you feel vulnerable and self conscious because there’s no where to hide. They’re literally seeing all of you.

Things can get awkward pretty fast or you might just be nervous to take things to the next step… and that’s okay. We’ve all been there, whether you’re just hooking up with someone new or it’s your first time having sex with your partner.

Busle says you have to be brave enough to address the issue, rather than just pretend everything’s fine and you’re really a nervous wreck.

It’s okay to feel shy, but the most important thing is that you have fun because sex shouldn’t be taken serious. You need to have someone that you can laugh with even when things don’t go right because sex isn’t perfect.

HowStuffWorks says that a common insecurity is about “performance”. Women worry that they’ll take too long to orgasm or that they won’t be able to. Men are concerned that they’ll ejaculate too quickly or not get hard enough.

Here’s some tips on how to make yourself more acquainted with your partner in the bedroom. This is from my personal experience so if it worked for me, I’m sure it’ll be no different for you.

Step 1:

Communicate with your partner and let them know your concerns and fears. By doing this, they should reassure you that even if it isn’t great the first time, they’ll be patient with you and lead you along the way. Talk about your sexual fantasies, what you want, and how you want it done.

Step 2

Walk around the house naked sometimes. We all have certain insecurities about our bodies, but that’s also why we should embrace them. Nobody’s perfect! Turn on some music and start dancing! Music makes everything better so let go and be free. Look yourself in the mirror and just own it, no matter what shape your in.

Step 3:

MASTER BATE! Yes I said it! Go to the sex store and get some sex toys and lube. It’s important that you learn your own body first. By you exploring your pleasure spots, it’ll be easier to guide your partner to the things that make you orgasm. You’re definitely going to be vocal on what you like and dislike. At first you’ll feel a little weird, but once you get that spot babyyyyy you’re going to meet God himself!

Step 4

Watch porn & practice. If you want to be good at something you have to see it first then try it yourself. The more you practice the better you’ll get. Give yourself time and don’t be too hard on yourself. Relax, don’t be so timid and don’t think too much. Just let things flow. If you’re a virgin, don’t expect your first time to be like a porno. Remember this is your first time ever doing something like this so you have to be realistic with yourself. The more you watch and do, the better you’ll get and that’ll also inspire you to try new things.

Step 5

HAVE FUN! Sex should not be taken serious. Laugh and smile during silly or awkward moments causes 9/10 your partner feels the same way. This will bring y’all closer. Be experimental, you don’t have to keep doing the same positions. If it isn’t fun for you than you shouldn’t be doing it. They’re here to get theirs so make sure you’re having a good time and getting yours too!

I want all my shy caterpillars to break free from their cocoon and be a butterfly. I challenge all my readers that are still in their shells, boy or girl to do these steps and share your stories with me. I’m confident that with the steps I’ve given you, y’all are going to be well acquainted.

Life is too short, we all deserve to have the best sex of our lives! Get out there and make me proud.

What Are Your Intentions?

‘Even though I’m not your man, you not my girl imma call you my shawty.’

– Plies feat. T-Pain (Shawty)

Image from Lauren London

Dating in this time can be so stressful and confusing. Many of us don’t even get to an actual relationship. We get stuck in the ‘talking stage’, but in that stage we find ourselves doing relationship things and that’s what makes it complicated.

The talking stage is when two people flirt and get to know each other. There’s more than a friendship, but it isn’t a relationship yet.

Elite Daily says that the chase of acquiring a relationship became the goal rather than the destination for two people who want to be together. That has become so true living in this generation.

However, this part of dating is actually important because you need to spend some time with that person and see different parts of their personality. You need to see if y’all are actually compatible and if there’s chemistry there. You don’t want to rush into something that you aren’t prepared for and if it happens too quickly it’s bound to fail, so patience is key.

The problem comes when you let the fact that you like each other so much that you confuse those emotions with a relationship. It’s like a ‘you’re not mine but you belong to me’ type of thing.

Her Campus says that the talking stage is the biggest grey area when it comes to dating.

This is so true because it’s a safe place and it can linger on for a long time without having an actual title. You really have to play it safe when you’re in this department because there’s a 50/50 chance of you getting your feelings hurt or actually reaching a relationship.

Here’s some tips to help you survive this area of dating

Tips to survive the Talking Stage

  • Set Boundaries: You need to tell each other what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. This is important so you both know your limits on things.
  • Communicate: Talk about everything so there won’t be any misunderstandings and also so y’all can know more things about each other. You really need to LEARN one another.
  • Respect: Y’all won’t get anywhere if there’s no respect. You have to respect each other, remember they’re only going to do what you allow them to do.
  • Truth: Be honest and upfront with each other because that makes things so much easier.
  • Emotions: Keep your emotions in check. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement. Don’t overthink, that only causes unnecessary problems for yourself. Listen to yourself and don’t ignore the signs you see whether they’re good or bad.
  • Time: Don’t allow yourself to be in the talking stage for years. It’s okay to be patient, but that’s only if there’s effort and actions being shown that you two are evolving to the next level. There’s a difference between a wait and a WASTE. Know who to cut off and who to be patient with.

Often times we confuse the talking stage with an actual relationship. We give our loyalty to one person when there’s no commitment established. We assume that because we like this person that we shouldn’t get to know other people but in all honesty that’s not how dating works. You’re SINGLE if there’s no relationship confirmed between you two. So you shouldn’t feel guilty about exploring your options on who could be the right mate for you. You have to put yourself in check and remember who you are! Don’t limit yourself.

(WOW! I’m actually preaching to myself right now lol)

It’s hard, trust me I know. The dating life is not for me right now. I’m taking a break from dating and having a love life for a long time.

So readers I want to know…

Are you dating to get in a relationship that can lead to marriage or are you just dating for the moment? What are your intentions?

Waxing vs. Shaving: My Experience

‘I only go down if you keep the grass cut.’

– Ester Dean feat. Chris Brown & Lil Wayne (Drop it Low Remix)

Image from Sex & The City

I got my first wax last year around September 2017 and I haven’t shaved since. I went to the European Wax Center in the South Loop and y’all I was so nervous, I didn’t know what to expect. When I went, I made sure that I cut my pubic hair down to an inch so she could be able to get all the hair. When she put the wax on me I screamed so loud, I almost cried but I took the pain like a gangsta. I looked in the mirror and I felt reborn. Ooooohhhhh child, I was definitely a new woman! My Lola Girl was so smooth y’all and my pubic hair didn’t grow back until the next month, I was so happy. They gave me this product called Smooth Me. They were wipes that kept me from having ingrown hairs or bumps and they also helped slow the regrowth of my pubic hairs. They definitely did what needed to be done! Ever since then I’ve tried to get one every four months… you’re really supposed to get one every month but I would be hesitant because the pain my fat mama felt was no joke!

Like everything in life, there’s no such thing as something being all good or all bad. Everything comes with a pro and a con. Depending on the texture of hair growth, thickness, and skin sensitivity will determine if shaving or waxing will benefit you in the long run.

Daily Toast says that each time you wax you minimize the thickness of the root of the hair because the follicle gets damaged, which overtime makes waxing hurt less.


  • Hairlessness: This is really the main reason why I decided to get a wax in the first place. Your hair doesn’t grow back until 4-6 weeks later so you can enjoy being bald for a good time period.
  • Confidence : When I said that I had became a new one, I meant it. I felt free and more attractive. I would walk pass the mirror naked like “Ooooohhhh who is that, yaaaassss that’s you Lola Girl. You looking good!”
  • No razor burn: When I would shave sometimes I would get razor burn and it would be so uncomfortable. I would be so mad that these red bumps would appear, messing up the presentation of my goodies. Sometimes it would hurt too, I’m so glad that that’s done and over with.
  • Hair thins over time: If you get a wax periodically, eventually your hair just thins out or stops growing altogether. This happens because your follicle has become stretched out and loose, so new hair isn’t growing as thick or it’s simply just falling out.

Even though, I love Brazilian waxes it’s some things that I just can’t stand.


  • You’re trusting a stranger being all up in the goods. I’m not really a shy person but it still makes me a little nervous to go every time. The first thing they say when you walk in is “Hey, take your clothes off and lay down I’ll be right with you.” My heart starts beating so fast every time like “Wow Ashley, you’re really doing this. You can’t turn back now.”
  • The pain is almost unbearable! I cringe, jump, and scream every single time. The lady is just like “You have to breathe and relax ma’am. Open up for me so I can make sure I’m getting everything.” I literally pray inside my head the whole time they’re waxing me. Surprisingly, when they wax your butt it doesn’t hurt.
  • The cost. You’re paying at least $40 – $60 depending on where you go. They usually drop the cost when you refer people to their place of business so it becomes a little bit cheaper overtime. You just got to remember that you get what you pay for.
  • Growing the hair back. You get so used to the hair not being there or being thin but when it’s time for you to get a new wax, you won’t be able to unless your hair has grown out a little bit. Each time you go your hair should be at least a inch, so you definitely have to spend time making sure that the hair has grown out before your next appointment.

For my people that are too scared to get waxes or would rather stick to shaving I have some tips for you! Shaving is like a love and hate relationship. Yes the hair is gone but it grows back so fast, then you have to worry about razor burns, cuts, ingrown hairs, and bumps. Well here’s a few things that worked for me when I used to shave and I hope they’re beneficial to you as well.

  • Coconut Oil: Before I would shave, I would cut my pubic hair very low then I would apply the coconut oil on my private area. My water solution would be on the side of me then I would dip my Venus Swirl Flexiball Razor in the water then shave downward or whichever direction that I saw my hair would grow. While I was shaving my pubic area, I was still getting moisture from the coconut oil.
  • Shea Butter: After I shaved all my pubic hair off. I would put Shea butter on my vagina to make it smoother and I would let it dry so the moisture could sink in.
  • Deodorant: Yes, you read that right. Deodorant! Growing up my Aunt would always put deodorant on her vagina to keep it from sweating just like we do with our armpits. Later on, I watched a video on YouTube explaining how to get rid of razor bumps and they said deodorant. Secret or Dove, as it’s a solid stick deodorant and not the spray on or the gel. I tried it and BOOM no more razor bumps. My theory is that just like your armpit needs moisture, so does your vagina. Think about it, after you shave your armpits and you don’t put deodorant there it, itches and becomes dry. You start to scratch it and get bumps. Same for your private area. They both need to have moisture and they both sweat. Deodorant will definitely do you justice because it minimizes you from sweating, minimizes the itch, and most of all you’re moisturized and smelling good When you apply it, make sure to smooth it out and don’t get it near the opening of your vagina. Guys, if you shave this works for you too!

I’m not here to tell you which one is better because at the end of the day, we all should do what works best for us. Just choose wisely & feel free to share your experiences with me.

Reasons To Eat Better

‘Shawty so fine, p**** so fresh… Diced pineapples, damn, my baby tastes the best.’

-Rick Ross feat Wale & Drake (Diced Pineapples)


Painting by: Kyla the Artist

We’ve all heard the phrase “You are what you eat.” Well people this is very much true! How do you expect your goodies to taste sweet if you’re eating McDonald’s and drinking pop and juice everyday?

Vaginal and penis health are so important! Monthly check-ups and showering/bathing isn’t enough. You need to eat better too. You’re hygiene should be in tip top shape, especially if you’re having sex. All of our bodies have a different scent and smell and can alter due to the material of clothing, intercourse, and our PH levels in general.

Let’s just be honest, we all want to know what we taste like to our partner but if you’re eating habits aren’t that healthy, you may not taste good.

When 13 Men talked to Thought Catalog , they described their girlfriends as tasting like “the beach”, “s***”, “garbage” and even weird things like “puppy breath. 13 Women also talked to Thought Catalog, and the described their boyfriends as tasting like “old pennies, salty mushrooms, salty seawater, and “creamy chlorine cleanser.”

WOW! This shows how careless we can be by eating food that tastes good to us but aren’t being good to us internally. Fruits and vegetables are not only good for reducing chronic diseases but they’re giving our fluids a better flavor as well as the energy we need to have a healthier lifestyle.

Sodium Breakup says that if you eat too much sodium you could experience high blood pressure. When high blood pressure causes blood vessel damage, it can reduce blood flow throughout your body, including your pelvic area. Your sex life can be affected by lower blood flow to the pelvis.

A female’s arousal before and during intercourse can be affected to the vaginal area. Studies has also shown that high blood pressure has been linked to vaginal dryness and less frequent orgasm. Males who have high blood pressure may encounter erectile dysfunction. An erection happens through blood flow to the penis, which can be a big challenge with someone with lower blood flow.

Good thing that it isn’t too late to change our eating habits. Here’s a list of food that are good for you and the goodies, as well as your overall health.

The Good

  • Cranberry Juice: The acid compounds in the juice helps fight off bad bacteria and can also prevent and relieve uriary tract infections. A natural, no-sugar-added brand would be the best route to go to get the benefits.
  • Pineapples: This fruit as well as oranges, grapefruit, and lemons, all have Vitamin C, it also helps balance your PH levels.
  • Apples: The phytoestrogen found in apples leads to better sexual function in women such as the ability to get aroused, your ability to orgasm and sexual satisfaction.
  • Celery: High levels of water and Vitamin C, the high chlorophyll contained in this helps sweeten the taste of semen
  • Yogurt: Helps add probiotic to the body and adds good bacteria. Organic yogurt, not the branded kind.
  • Grapes: Helps hydrate the body, rich in antioxidants and minerals like potassium, calcium, iron, magnesium, selenium, and phosphorus.
  • Watermelon: Lightens the taste of vagina fluid and semen and high in Vitamin C & A.
  • Strawberries: Makes your immune system high and fights infections.
  • Spinach: Decreases inflammation and increases blood flow.
  • Coconut Oil: Anti-fungal and anti-bacterial which means no yeast infections and also great for  lubrication.
  • Sweet Potatoes: The vitamin A in sweet potatoes contributes to healthy vaginal and uterine walls. It helps us produce the hormones we need to stay vibrant and energized.
  • Kiwi: Helps with stamina and keeps your sex drive going by removing the free radicals that disrupt normal sexual health.

The one that tops this list is WATER!

According to H.H. Mitchell, Journal of Biological Chemistry 158, the brain and heart are composed of 73% water, and the lungs are about 83% water. The skin contains 64% water, muscles and kidneys are 79%, and even the bones are watery: 31%. Water is the key to our survival as human beings, our bodies depend on it. We have to say hydrated! For a happy and naturally lubricated vagina water is the best source. Drinking water daily thins your discharge and fleshes out any toxins, making any odor you had disperse.

The Bad

  • Beer, & Alcohol: Contributes to vaginal dryness and can cause odor if you’re drinking too much of it. It also can delay or prevent an orgasm.
  • Coffee: Not only can this change your vaginal odor, but it can also increase your risk of getting a yeast infection.
  • Onions & Asparagus: Foods that make you sweat more causing a foul oder will most likely do the same for your private area
  • Red Meat: Can create a sharp, salty taste.
  • Fish: The obvious.. it’ll make you taste or smell fishy.
  • Dairy: Not all dairy but some dairy such as cheese can disrupt vaginal bacteria. Has high bacterial putrefaction levels and can create a salty or bitter flavor.

Dr. Barbara Bartlik, Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center told Forbes magazine that Omega-3 food makes your nervous system function better. “Sex is really about circuitry.” Multivitamins and minerals will help, too. Both improve neurological function, which contributes to good circulation.

Let’s make this clear, eat better for YOU! Your vagina or penis doesn’t depend on the approval of your partner especially when it’s a natural part of your being. Just slow down on the alcohol, cigarettes, pop, and fast food. Remember, for anything to work you must be consistent because good things take time, it doesn’t just happen overnight. Be good to yourself.

Lust vs. Love: The Differences of The Two L’s

‘If it look this good… I wonder how it taste?’

– Jeremih (Waiter/ The 5 Senses)

Image by: Angela D. Coleman

Lust is such a powerful thing. We can lust for money, food, material things and people. In human nature we are naturally attracted to things that give us curiosity and desire even if we know it isn’t good for us, the feeling is hard to break free from. Isn’t it crazy how we want the things that we can’t have? Put sex in the mix and that makes things even more complicated and confusing, like wow what a situation!

In Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor,  Judith (Journey Smollett-Bell and Brice (Lance Gross) have been together since high school, now they’re married and the fire between them has seemed to burn out. Judith just completed her graduate work in psychotherapy and she’s on the journey of starting her career as a marriage counselor. She decides to take an internship at a matchmaking firm. There she meets Harley (Robbie Jones) a charming and confident client who makes it clear to Judith that he’s feeling her. The sexual chemistry between the two is at an all time high as Judith and Harley start to spend more time together. Soon, Judith gives into her desires and finds herself in a web of chaos, placing her marriage in shambles.

Temptation captures the definition of lust perfectly! We often confuse lust and love because we are infatuated with the idea of this person rather than being in love with them. This fueled idealization leads us to believe that this person is for us and we’re blinded by what we hope they will become or what we need them to be, instead of seeing them for who they are. Adding sex along with that makes it even more complex and toxic because you’re addicted to how they make you feel physically and you neglect the emotional and mental aspect. Psychology Today says that studies show that your brain is in a phase similar to when your brain is on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area  lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Attachments happen when your in the phase of lust, not connections.

Signs of Lust

  • You’re more attracted to their physical appearance. Every time you see them, there  needs to be sexual activity happening.
  • Most of your thoughts about this person is of a sexual nature.
  • You only connect with them on a physical level, not as on a emotional or intellectual level.
  • You want them to leave right after sex rather than cuddling or having breakfast with them the next morning.
  • You don’t see anything long-term with them, it’s just for the moment.

Love on the other hand is beautiful. It’s pure, unconditional, and patient. Love overpowers lust because it’s stronger than the sex drive, it’s something that’s stable. You can’t see yourself without the person and you’re truly invested in them. It’s way beyond sex because you accept them for who they are, even when times are hard you still want them around.

‘See I’ll love you when your hair turns gray, girl and I’ll still want you if you gain a little weight, yeah. The way I feel for you will always be the same, just as long as your love don’t change’

– Musiq Soulchild (Don’t Change)

In the movie Jason’s Lyric, two inner city youth Jason (Allen Payne) and Lyric (Jada Pinkett-Smith) find love in the rough streets of Houston. They both are dealing with personal problems. Jason having guilt with his brother’s violent behavior from a traumatic experience that they both encountered and Lyric who’s hestiant to the feeling of love, scared that it will be smothered by the violence around her. Together, they learn to let go of their doubts and fears, and leave their past behind for a better life.

The love that is shared between Jason and Lyric in this movie is the most accurate definition of unconditional love. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. When you can truly be at peace with a person and you want to know things about them and their childhood, that’s how you know it’s real. The chemistry is there! Yes, you”ll be physically attracted to them but sex won’t even cross your mind because you admire them rather than being infatuated with them. You both motivate each other to be all that they can be and you’re protective over them. You’re willing to make sacrifices for them and you take an interest into what they like. There’s more than an intimate relationship, there’s a friendship as well. Independent says that love is an equal partnership, but you’ll find someone’s happiness become really important to you when you’re falling for them.

Compassionate love can be one of the biggest signs of a healthy relationship, according to research. This involves long-term commitment, deep intimacy and one of the main things that will make or break a relationship… TRUST.

Signs of Love

  • You motivate each other to become better and you work as a team.
  • You can’t stop thinking about them.
  • You want to spend quality time with them beyond sex.
  • You both get lost in conversation that you don’t notice the time and hours pass.
  • You’re focused on each other, your phones don’t matter.
  • You listen to one another and genuinely want to make each other happy, going above and beyond!
  • You want to get closer, meeting family and friends.
  • You become possessive over each other.
  • You only want that person and no one else.
  • They bring you peace.

Now that you understand the differences between lust and love, ask yourself…

Could I spend a whole day with this person without sex? Do I want to get to know their family? Am I ready to wake up to them everyday or just every now and then? Do I really want to go out my way to help them? How do we benefit from each other? Can I work through their past traumas that they’ve had? Can I chill with them, even without other people or my phone? Do I really like them or do I like the way they make me feel? Is there a future with them? Is there even a real connection here? Am I actually ready for commitment?

Girls Need Loving Too

What’s a girl to do when she needs loving too?

Image by: pinkincubi

Released in July 2018, Summer Walkers ‘Girls Need Love’ has touched our souls with the peaceful instrumental and the soothing sound of her voice. This is definitely a vibe. Since then, us girls have been playing this song on repeat! The video has hit 2 million views and it became number 7 on the Apple Music R&B chart last Sunday. I’ve been seeing this song on everyone’s Snapchat videos, Facebook lives, and song lyrics in IG captions. Celebrities like Reginae Carter, Bernice Burgos, and Ariana Fletcher aka Ari have been playing it along with us.



I feel like this song hit all women on a emotional and spiritual level. Love is such a tricky thing especially in this generation because people want to play the game and portray themselves as heartless. Walkers lyrics puts this into perspective telling us how it seems like there’s almost no hope in finding the right one.

“I just need some d***. I just need some love. Tired of f***ing with these lame n****s baby, I just need a Thug.”

Men often perceive women as being complicated and not knowing what they want but then when they come across a woman that’s sure of herself and knows what she wants, it’s like the disappointment still happens. It leaves you wondering when are you finally going to meet someone who’s on the same page as you. When is it going to be real?

Independent women intimidate men in regards to sex, career, and relationships. We make our own money, we don’t put up with any bullshit, and we don’t have time for games.

“Honestly, I’m tryna stay focused you must think I’ve got to be joking when I say I don’t think I can wait. I just need it now.”

Thought Catalog says that 40% of women have jobs in management and other professional fields. Women in these modern times are capable of working a full-time job and supplying their financial needs. They don’t have time to go back and fourth and play mind games because they have business to take care of. They’re trying to stay focused and reach their goals but they know what it is to be in a committed and balanced relationship. They’re not ashamed to tell you what they want and how they want it. They’ll tell you their expectations and dealbreakers from the start and make it clear about how they feel.

Being showered with gifts and even paying bills are greatly appreciated but we are capable of doing those things ourselves too.

We want MORE! It’s nice to hear those sweet things you tell us from time to time. Do it more often. Take action and be romantic. We want sex too! Most times we want it more than men do.

Show us that you’re interested in our favorite shows and our rants about work. Have goals and build with us. I can’t express enough on how much the little things matter because although we want the big picture we are still paying attention to the details.

We all have expectations but when a woman expresses how she wants things, we get ridiculed and criticized for wanting “too much”.

Walker speaks our most inner thoughts that we say to ourselves in our alone time.

“Girls can’t never say they want it Girls can’t never say how, Girls can’t never say they need it, Girls can’t never say now…”

Yes, we may come off as complicated and unbearable at times, but in reality we know exactly what we want. Men just have to take the time and effort to listen to us. Most of all try to understand us and see where we are coming from because in the end just like y’all want to be appreciated and loved, we want the same thing. Girls need love too!

When was the last time you stopped playing mind games and actually tried to see where things could go?

15 Best Sex Songs of the 2000’s

Did you know that music actually gives us pleasure? I know right it’s crazy but it’s true. Depending on the lyrics, we can actually feel or relate to situations described in a song. Researchers from Neuroscience conducted a study showing that dopamine, a chemical released from the nerve cells to the brain helps us feel the same happiness we get from eating or having sex.


Image by: Jayde Ferguson

Music holds the keys to our bodies pharmacy and can encourage or restrain the release of chemicals. Elite Daily says that 18 percent of couples say that music makes sex better. To them listening to music during sex makes it easy for their bodies to coordinate and go with the rhythm. Almost in the same way we Netflix and chill to get things started. If you’ve never experienced the pleasure of sex and music here’s a list of songs for you to have a night you’ll never forget. Go crazy!

1. Tank – When We

Tank starts off saying that he likes when the woman loses herself in their moment of passion as he’s giving her deep and passionate strokes. In the chorus, he makes it clear that he’s not here to make love.

‘Who came to make sweet love? Not me
Who came to kiss and hug? Not me
Who came to beat it up? Rocky
And don’t use those hands to put up that gate and stop me’

He’s here to get wild and nasty. It sounds like a sweet R&B love song but it’s far from that as Tank describes how savage he can get with her. He just wants her permission

2. Beyonce – Rocket

Ladies, this is the type of song you have to give your man a lap dance to when he’s been real good. You have to put on red lingerie and go all out! When Beyoncé says

‘Let me sit this ass on you
Show you how I feel
Let me take this off
Will you watch me
Yes mass appeal
Don’t take your eyes
Don’t take your eyes off it
Watch it, babe’

You have to go off hunny! This is a song that you tease him to before y’all get started. I promise he’s going to love it! If you’re shy with showing your sexiness take two shots of Tequila or DUSSE and you’ll be set.

3. Usher – Can U Handle It

This is a song where a couple is taking things to the next level and the man is so in love with her, but he’s letting her know that once they get in between the sheets he’s going to really express himself. He wants to make sure she’s ready for all of it. Ladies, if a man plays this for you before y’all start, just know y’all about to be up all night. When you hear Usher say

‘I’ll go deep as I can
Giving you the rest of my love’


‘We gon’ lay it out
We gon’ tear it up
Baby can you handle’

Call off cause you’re not going to work tomorrow sis.

4. Lil Corey – Say Yes

Lil Corey goes right into what he can do and how he can do it… all the woman has to do is say yes. Once she says yes, he’s going to leave her feining, wanting more and more.

‘I know all of the places to kiss and turn her on (turn her on)
Make her scream and moan (make her moan)
I’ll do what she want’

That’s a dangerous individual right there! To know ALL the spots to get somebody going and they’re just ready to cater to you. Yeah you’re going to need to hold on to the bed rails.

5. K-Young – Lay You Down

This is a personal fav! I love this song so much! It’s a song that’s all about comfortability like you don’t have to be shy, I won’t bite type of thing. You want it and I do too, but since I see you’re nervous I’m going to just lay you down. K-Young is describing how it’s no pressure and they don’t have to rush to get to it. He’s going to hold her down.

‘Wanna feel your beat, your heart in my hands, yes I do
Oh its true, that me and you
I’m man I can’t stand not havin’ you when I know what you’ve got
And I choose you, so baby come through let me lay you down’

6. Pretty Ricky – Up and Down

In this song you have to do it all type of ways. Up and down, round and round, reverse, just everything it’s going to be a workout. Pretty Ricky expresses how they’re not just going to have sex but this is on a making love level like Pleasure P says “that good love, that butter love”. Both of y’all are going to have heavy climaxes.

‘Up and down we go
Like the sunlight and the moon light
Can I get you right
In and out I go
Like makin’ love
That good love, that butter love
Up and down we go
Like a see-saw
I love it when you ride it babe
In and out I go
I’ma stroke it slow
Don’t tell me no’

7. Jacquees feat. Kirko Bangz – T-Shirt

This is a remix from Adina’s “T-Shirt & Panties”. In Jacquees version, the woman is sneaking and geeking with him. Even though it’s wrong, it feels right. Jacquees and Kirko Bangz are telling the story of how they’re not worried about her man because at the end of the day the woman knows what’s up. He’s going to play his role because he’s not trying to wife her, they’re just doing what they want.

‘I want you to bring it over tonight
If I pull up will you meet me outside?
Screamin’ so loud you can feel me inside
Breaking your back while you tell me a lie
Jacquees gon’ slide deep in them panties tonight
Take your shirt off, I’ma feel them tonight
Tell your n**** you not comin’ home tonight’

When this song comes on just know this is not about to be a gentle love making session, y’all getting busy!

8. Jacquees feat. Dej Loaf – No Better Love

This song is where Jacquees and Dej Loaf are explaining to each other how they are nothing like their ex’s. They’re going to show each other what they were missing out on and they are better than everyone they ever had. Jacquees says

‘When I’m inside you’re traumatized you girl I’m danger
When I’m inside you’re paralyzed yeah I’m dangerous
Oh, there’s no better love (love)
Let me break you off, you off
Say I’m all that you want, baby’

Dej comes back with

‘Been a long time
Show me what I’m missing
Oh I know you got b****es
Get rid of yours
Get rid of my all n****s
And no, they don’t gotta know
How we lace it, how we kick it
Rub my back and kiss it
Smack my a** and grip it’

They know what each other want and there’s no games. Nobodies in there business, it’s just them two. When you play this song, it’s going to be a war because y’all are trying to out do each other in bed to show why they’re the best.

9. Rihanna – Yeah I Said It

Ladies, this is where we take control! This is another fav of mine. In this song Rihanna is telling him how she’s down for any and everything, she has no regrets and she means everything that she’s saying. It’s like “yeah I said it, so what are you going to do? Don’t get scared now” type of thing.

‘You could be rough, boy, but if you won’t
Give me some love, boy, give it to me till the morn’

Fella’s when she plays this song she’s trying to see if you’re all talk or all about action. It’s a challenge, so go hard or go home!

10. The Weeknd – What You Need

This is a song where he’s showing her the difference between her man and him. He does it so good that it becomes addictive. The Weeknd says

‘I got, everything what you want with me
I do, everything he does times three
And he don’t gotta know, I got you on the floor
Doing things you never thought you’d do
Baby leave them high heel shoes
‘Cause I love it when you’re lookin’ down at me
I’m lookin’ up at you
And I don’t give a damn shorty, watch me knock them boots off and Ima love you girl
The way you need
Ain’t no one goin’ stop us’

This the type of sex that’s going to separate the boys from the men and the girls from the women.

11. Jeremih feat. Juicy J & Twista – Woosah

This song is about reassurance. Y’all are chilling and smoking or drinking a little bit and he’s letting you know it’s just y’all two nobody else. He’s not trying to do nothing with anyone else because you got that good, good. Jeremih says

‘I ain’t worried about no other b**** you got me
Use them lips you know I love you, kiss my body
Way you throw when you on all four my goddie
Can you do it on the d*** I didn’t know remind me
Slip and slide you know that’s how you get around me
Speed it up I see you want to test my ‘Rarri
True you know we spending through this flip you got me
Cause all I know is f***ing you the s***’

The smoke has y’all in the zone and y’all expressing yourselves in the sheets exploring each other’s vibe.

12. Trey Songz – Inside Pt. 2

Trey Songz is describing how good her sex is while he’s inside. The feeling is almost indescribable but he knows that it’s so good that he wants to go deeper and deeper. Trey Songz says

‘Sweat dripping off your body onto mine
Ain’t nothing better than when I’m inside
She got her legs on my shoulders
Looking in my eyes
Not the bed or the sofa
Getting it in outside
Knew that you were scared
You ain’t even want to try
But girl it’s no surprise
Feels so good I’m bout to cry
While I’m inside’

Ladies if he plays this just know you got that A1 type of love.

13. Marques Houston – Noize

You know when they’re making sounds you going crazy. The moan and the shivers are going to let you know that they aren’t faking. Marques Houston explains how he’s going to take all of her energy with his powerful love making. He’s using his context clues to let him know that she likes it. Her sounds, her body movements, the way she holds on to the bed, how wet she gets, and etc. What makes him keep going is the noise that she makes and how loud she is. This turns him on. Marques says

‘Tell the mattress to be quiet I cant hear you
I love it when you make that noise
Screamin’ to you lose your voice
This is good you ain’t got no choice
Baby wanna make you moist
That’s when you make that noise’

This type of sex will be well worth it because he’s going by how your body reacts to things and how loud you are.

14. Chris Brown – Take You Down

It’s just y’all two in the room and both of y’all know what’s about to happen next. Chris explains how this isn’t going to be rushed, just take your clothes off and relax. Don’t be shy if you don’t know what to do because y’all are about to be up all night. Chris says

‘Pretty girl let’s take it off,
In this room
No time to waist
Girl you know what we came to dooooo (woahawoahawoah)
We got all night to try to get it right girl
(Hope ya ready, hope ya ready, hope ya ready)
I hope ya ready babe,
Cuz here we go,
We know how we do’

Ladies if he plays this you’re for sure getting took down. He’s about to snatch your heart and soul so get ready!

15. Lloyd – Feels So Right

This has a sensual sound to it, making the mood more relaxed and less tense. Lloyd is expressing how he admires the woman from top to bottom, he wants it. He wants to make her feel good and he’s assuring her that everything’s going to feel real nice. Lloyd says

‘So shorty just relax your mind
Sit back and let’s unwind
I promise it’ll feel real good
Just let me massage your spine

Cause baby there’s no need to rush
you ain’t got no where to go take your time
And you see by the end of our escapade I’ll make you mine’

Yeah you’re going to get real comfortable while this song is playing.

Let me introduce myself

72E3BB11-F98E-4409-900E-9B27F2C6C95EI’m a girl from the Southside of Chicago who enjoys writing, meeting new people, trying new things and having fun. I treat life as a gift because we’re all fortunate to have one. My blog will focus on sex and music mainly because thats something that everyone can relate to. This won’t be anything typical, trust me. My goal for this blog is to dig deeper into sex and music. I’ll be giving reviews and suggestions on music and analyzing musical content such as lyrics, poetry, and videos. I’m encouraging sex positivity while also including sex education. Many people have sex but they don’t know what it comes with. Those body fluids we’re sharing actually mean something. I’ll include the pros of working out to keep your body looking good and to keep you more energized for sex. The right food to eat to keep your hygiene intact. The differences between waxing and shaving, and I will be giving information on the differences between lust and love. Those two definitely tend to mix when sex is involved. Also, I will talk about ways of breaking out of your shell and making yourself comfortable. This blog is for both men and women. I’m using sexual lyrics to combine my topics and giving my opinion on artists while asking for yours as well. Feel free to give me music suggestions as well! I don’t know about y’all but I’m always looking for something new to blast in my ears. What are some songs that you like to listen to while you’re in the mood?