‘Lay your head on my pillow, here you can be yourself. No one has to know what you are feeling, no one but me & you’
– Alicia Keys (Diary)Images by meandsomebodyson_ & meandsomebodydaughter
Beyond a relationship, dating, and even the talking stage… Is there a friendship? Is there intimacy?
When we make connections with people especially the ones that we are dating or possibly see a future with, we forget the small things. Those small things consists of friendship, trust, and intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t always about sex. You can touch each other in different ways, not just physical.
Intimacy is a bond you share with another person. Through that bond, you know that person like the back of your hand and things become more secure.
Psych Central says that getting to the core of a relationship requires that both people work through their fear. By visiting and revisiting these areas, intimacy matures and mellows over time.
That’s exactly what holds us back from a lot of things. FEAR.
The fear of being judged because of personality traits that you don’t want the other to see or flaws and insecurities that you may have. That’s understandable because we always want to show up as our highest self, but how do you expect to get to that root of closeness with a person if you haven’t shown them who you really are? Take the mask off.
Our friends that we acquire in our lives have seen the beautiful sides of us and the deep down in the gutter us. Even through all of that they love us anyway. You know why? Because they’re willing to go through the good and bad with us.
That should be applied to your person of interest as well. Having sex is fun but it becomes boring after a while. You have to keep each other interested.
You don’t have to have lame conversations. Lord knows I hate when a person “wyd” me to death. Ask them how there day is going, what their childhood was like, what’s the one thing they want to do before they die, how are they feeling & etc.
I remember a time when this boy stayed the night with me. We were laying in my bed naked but we didn’t have sex… We listened to music and talked all night and honestly, I was happy we didn’t do anything because from there it established that we could actually chill together. I also think that’s one of the reasons why we never fell off. That situation made us like each other more. I told my friends about it and they were just as shocked as me cause things usually don’t happen that way, but I knew it was definitely more there. (Lol I’ll keep y’all updated I’m still seeing how this is going to play out) etc.
In Alicia Keys song ‘Diary‘ she says:
“I won’t tell, your secrets
Your secrets are safe with me
I will keep, your secrets
Just think of me as the pages in your diary.”
That song went number one because that type of closeness and comfortability is something that we all crave. To be able to truly vent to someone and be yourself with them is unmatched.
On top of that, go out and explore together! Take initiative and make plans. Everything doesn’t have to be labeled as a date, you can enjoy each other’s company. If y’all click then the romance is going to be there regardless, you don’t have to be lovey dovey with everything.
Be vulnerable. Be fun. Be silly. Trust each other.
The world has our minds thinking that we have to be so cold-hearted and put up a wall with everyone we come in contact with when that’s not good at all. You don’t have to share everything all at once but you can give bits and pieces of yourself at a time. Rejection happens and it’s awful but you shouldn’t let that stop you from opening up to the next person.
Psych Alive says most of us say that we want to find a loving partner, but many of us have deep-seated fears of intimacy that make it difficult to be in a close relationship. The experience of real love often threatens our self-defenses and raises our anxiety as we become vulnerable and open ourselves up to another person.
Things last more when they aren’t rushed and when there’s a companionship. Remember you’re still getting to know each other, not only know each other LEARN each other.
Marriage says when you jump into a relationship without being friends first, all types of issues and challenges occur, and you begin to expect more from the person and sometimes set unrealistic expectations.
That’s why some of us don’t know how to be intimate without sex being involved. You skipped over the most important step, but it’s okay. It’s never too late to pick each other’s head. Just relax and let things flourish. Most of all be patient, things will happen in its own time.